Stinky D  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Woke up sunday morning in a bad mood. Not realizing why until we walked into your room. We were to take down your crib. It hit us both instantly painful tears. I tried to convince myself that you wouldnt be in a crib anymore being almost 4 years old.  That you would be in the Thomas Train toddler bed. The bed you will never be in that we had saved for you. It is now gone. Another little guy to enjoy it. We found your balls under your bed. Hoping it would make me smile. But it didnt. It hurt. Signs of our last morning together...more pain. More tears. More heartache. It felt like day 1.

Its done. The final step. And I wanted to scream at the world. At every parent who doesnt appreciate what they have. At every person who just doesnt get it. Remember me. Remember me when you are complaining. Remember me when you think that material thing is important. Remember me when you take your life for granted....

I have felt tired since Sunday morning. My head hurts my body aches. And I know I am not getting sick. I am missing my son. The tidal wave has crashed again. This time taking a little longer to build.

I love you Dylan. I love you so much it hurts. I miss you so much my stomach constantly feels empty. Love always MOM 2/1/2011

Close

Stinky D  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Was feeling frustrated again. So many things I want to say... but I think I will leave it at "REALLY!!!" and "Lord Why?".
Love you. MOM 1/28/2011 Close

Stinky D  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
This morning Ryan and I were discussing how to deal with the unpleasant things/people that we come across in this life. Just as I was telling him that every morning when we wake up we have a choice this bible verse was read on the radio "And you yourself must be an example" (Titus 2:7)

As I was driving home I was having a "moment". One radio station I like to listen to doesnt come in clearly as I get closer to our town but all of a sudden this one line came through without any static "Love endures forever". So of course...I lost it. And as I looked up a car passed by me with a "Jesus Freak" bumper sticker in its back window. OK. I wiped away the tears laughed and said thank you.

Some strange an interesting things have happened to me this week. All which have made me wonder. I love you baby. Love you always and forever. MOM 1/21/2011
Close

Stinky D  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Lifted out the crib mattress...and there in the middle of all the wood and brown frame was 1 yellow bar. Now I dont know if all cribs have 1 yellow bar...but I got the message. I was at first caught off guard...then smiled. Thank you for the reminder. Thank you God for always reminding me in your little ways. I saw the yellow, I felt the yellow.  I love you. Love, MOM 1/12/2011

"Today I stumbled and once again
Was lifted up by an unseen hand
What comfort and joy that knowledge brings
For I hear the whisper of angels wings." (Author Unknown)


Close

Stinky D  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Started to take apart your crib this morning. Its time for sissy to have her own space. Its the last step in transitioning your room to hers. Found signs of our last morning together. I stopped. I couldnt go any further. I started to cry and looked over at her. She gave me the biggest smile.

Sissy looks like Ryan so much. But every once in awhile i see you. She has started to make this face that reminds me so much of you. She scrunches up her nose and puckers her lips...and I think of your stink eye face. It makes me smile. I can only imagine the two of you together. Everyday i show her your picture and we say good morning. She gets the biggest smile and tries to touch your face. Lately she has started to give you kisses.

I love you baby. Love MOM 1/11/2011


Strength:
God promises strength for the day
comfort for the tears
and light for the way. (unknown) Close

CafePress.com / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Close

Its Okay To Miss Me- Sheila McRoy  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Close

MERRY CHRISTMAS  / GRAMMA ROSE

THESE SPECIAL WORDS ARE FOR YOU TODAY TO TELL YOU I MISS YOU IN OH SO MANY WAYS.    REMEMBERING OUR CHRISTMAS' PASTS WILL ALWAYS BE WITH ME.   YOUR LAUGHS CRIES STINK EYE TOO.   I THANK GOD FOR BLESSING OUR FAMILY WITH YOU.  YOU GAVE SO MUCH IN YOUR SHORT TIME ON EARTH I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW HEAVENLY IT WILL BE WHEN WE SPEND ETERNITY WITH YOU.  I WILL CLOSE MY EYES  YOU COME TO LIFE HUGGING KISSING AND GIGGLING WITH ME EACH NIGHT.   MERRY CHRISTMAS DYLAN MY LITTLE MONKEY.   ALWAYS IN MY HEART.  

I LOVE YOU  MAMAAA 

Close

Yellow Angel  / Nicole Groom (friend)
We made our traditional Christmas cookies this year  we made yellow angels for you. It doesn't seem right to be missing a child ever especially at Christmas. I know you are in a beautiful place but I would love to be able to give you back to your family for Christmas. Merry Christmas in heaven Dylan you are missed. Close

Stinky D  / Sabrina Mcneil (Mom)
Awake early this morning thinking of you. Missing you. Your stocking is hung by the chimney with care even though Santa won't fill it this year. I promise to hang it every year. Your class was singing at the Christmas concert. It caught me off guard. As they started to sing I realized which grade it was and it hit me hard. I tried to swallow the lump but it was too late. A little angel named Ryan saw his mommy struggling and came to sit by me. Daddy and I tried to imagine you up there. We both agreed that Stinky D may have come out we could see you not wanting to stand on the bleachers without us. It was a good laugh and a good distraction. As I waited in the check out line yesterday I heard a little boy say "bike bike" in the way you used to. I turned and looked for him. Of course blonde and about your size. This week is determined to do me in. I have often imagined one day I would see you in a store. Sometimes a little obsessed to see the childs face when he is standing with his back towards me. Of course it is never you. Never as adorable and my heart actually sinks again. It's the desperation of wanting to see you so bad. Sometimes I do believe I have gone a little crazy. But your son dying in your arms will do that to you. Took this years Christmas picture in front of the tree. I couldn't bare the thought of you not in it. So you are. I imagine some people might think it's strange. Oh well. they don't understand and that's a good thing. I hope they never do. Merry Christmas baby. I love you. Love MOM. 12/17/10 Close

They Tell Me You're in Heaven-Sheila McRoy  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
They tell me you're in Heaven;
That the angels took you home.
They say that you are free of pain
And you'll never be alone.

They tell me you're at peace now
That you're in a better place.
They say that God's rewarding you
For you ran a noble race.

They tell me that you're better off
That life has set you free.
They say you're with our loved ones
And you're watching over me.

They say that heaven's glorious
That the streets are paved with gold.
They say that you're with Jesus now
That's what I have been told.

They say we'll meet again someday
They say that "time will heal"
They tell me that they understand
Exactly how I feel.

They say the LORD will give me strength
Each moment we're apart.
I have 'no doubt' these things are true
But please tell it to my heart!

Close

Project Sweet Peas  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
A Parent’s Tunnel
By: Kate Crawford

Shut your eyes
Now imagine the happiest moment of your life
You are about to meet your baby
A baby you have waited for
For 9 long months
A baby you planned your future around
Everything is perfect
And here he comes
You cry
You are elated
But wait . . . the baby . . .
The baby isn’t crying
The nurses are running
You ask quietly
“What’s wrong?”
No one answers you
You can’t see your baby
There are too many people
The whisk your baby out of the room
You scream
“What is wrong with my baby?”
Finally an answer
One you are unprepared for
“We have to take your baby to the NICU.”
You stop listening
You can’t breathe
You can’t think
You cry but it’s no longer because you are happy


You haven’t seen the sun
The dark room is all you know
The days run together
You are tired
But you can’t sleep because you can’t leave your baby’s side
You are alone
Isolated
You haven’t even eaten
You forget
You can’t leave
You haven’t showered
But you don’t care

He’s hooked to wires tubes IV’s and catheters
Everything beeps in alarms
Every beep makes your heart stop
Your baby is sick
Your perfect is gone
Your future shattered
You sit
You stare
You watch your baby fight to stay alive
The nurses come
The nurses go
The names change
You can’t keep it straight
The diagnosis
You can’t even pronounce
Medicines you’ve never heard of
But the knowledge makes you feel bonded to your baby

You know nothing of the outside world
Your baby is all you know
Your strength
You don’t care about anything
But your baby

This is the life of a parent in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. They have tunnel vision and at the end is a healthy baby with a happily ever after. Sometimes they reach the end of that tunnel with their baby sometimes they never see their happy ever after.
Please help us reach out to these families by providing them with care packages. We want to let them know they are not alone and we are there to help and let them know they are not alone.

Project Sweet Peas - Providing Support for Families in intensive care units

Helping families who have a child in the intensive care unit by providing care packages that offer a touch of comfort while building cherished memories.
Close

WINTER AWARENESS MESSAGE-MRF  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Meningitis warning as cold weather continues

Cases of meningitis peak during the cold winter months and the highest number of cases are often recorded in December and January. The risk of meningitis particularly heightens around Christmas and New Year because people’s immune systems are weakened from fighting common illnesses like colds and flu making them more vulnerable to the disease.

Meningitis and septicaemia can kill in hours but lives can be saved by knowing the symptoms and taking quick action. We are urging you to familiarize yourself with the signs and symptoms of these deadly diseases.

Meningitis can affect anyone of any age at any time - even those who consider themselves fit and healthy. Time is critical when dealing with these diseases and early recognition and treatment are imperative. Know the symptoms and you could save a loved one’s life.

Meningitis and septicaemia can be hard to recognize at first; symptoms can appear in any order and can be similar to many mild illnesses such as fever, vomiting, headache, and feeling unwell. The 'red flag' symptoms such as cold hands and feet pale or mottled skin and limb joint or muscle pain often appear earlier than these symptoms so people need to be vigilant. Close

Stinky D  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Watched you again today. I am thankful for technology. Just wanted to hear your voice.

We unpacked your stocking last night and found this picture. I love it. You are holding a dog and a dog dish wearing your snow boots.

Christmas 2008 it doesnt feel like this was 2 years ago. It doesnt feel like you have been gone 1 1/2 years already. My heart hurts just as much as day 1.  I miss you. Christmas is here and we cant hide again this year. Ryan loves this time of year as much as I used to. Its your sister's first Christmas. We need to make Christmas what it used to be for them. So I will swallow the lump in my throat and put up the Christmas lights this year. Daddy and I heard this song on the radio this part seems to fit:

"All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me... " (Mariah Carey)

What I want for Christmas no one can give me. I dont need "stuff". You have taught me a life long lesson. Life is not about what you have what you got for Christmas. And that is what I want my children to learn. The true meaning of Christmas seems to get lost in the shopping. I look at the homeless man everyday as I drive my nice car to my warm house. I look at the child who asks for a warm coat for Christmas and I know in my heart what i need to do.

Thank you. I love you. Love MOM 11/29/2010 Close

Missing you  / Chanel Groom (Friend)
I am sitting here thinking of you little D Close

Dutch Day for Dylan  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Close

Stinky D  / Sabrina Mcneil (Mom)
At what point will I realize that no matter how much research I do or how many questions I ask it's not going to change anything you are still gone. The holidays are upon us once again and it feels as if the gray cloud is only raining on our house. Missing you tremendously. Love MOM 11/22/10 Close

Dutch Day for Dylan  / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
Close

WHY / Sabrina McNeil (mom)
My biggest question has always been WHY. Lately I keep coming across articles that answer that question. Here's another one. I read this morning that Ashland no longer has "herd immunity".( Herd immunity means that when enough people in the community are vaccinated the entire population is protected.) Here in Ashland children are now constantly at risk and that we will continue to see an increase in vaccine-preventable diseases. (Such as the current outbreak of Whooping Cough here in the Rogue Valley easily passed to small children by just passing them in the grocery store).

Close

Stinky D  / Sabrina McNeil (Mom)
Working on your fundraiser has stirred up so many emotions again. Proofreading your story on brochures flyers etc. brought back alot of painful memories. I lived them so why does reading it hurt so much? Ok wipe away the tears take a deep breath and focus on the good that is coming from the heartache. God give me strength for today tomorrow the rest of my life. I love you baby. Love MOM 11/4/2010 Close